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Friday, September 30th, 2005
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Your full name: Melanie
Age:: 17
Height:: just shy of 5' 8"
Natural hair color:: blonde kinda
Eye color:: greenish
Number of siblings:: two sisters
Glasses/contacts?:: no
Piercings:: just my ears
Tattoos:: no
FAVORITE
Color:: blue
Band:: 3 Doors Down or Third Day
Song:: Stigmatized by The Calling or Landing in London, Here By Me, or Fathers Son by 3 Doors Down
Stuffed animal:: my panda that sits in a chair
Video game:: i don't play video games...
TV show:: Friends!
Movie:: Black Sheep and Tommy Boy!
Food:: I love italian food
Game on a cell phone:: i dont have any cool games on my phone
CD cover:: um...i dont know?
Flower:: yellow roses
Scent: Lucky
Animal:: dogs
Comic book:: dont really read them
Cereal:: frosted flakes
Website:: i dunno
Cartoon:: hey arnold
DO YOU
Play an instrument?:: used to
Watch TV more than 60 hours a week?:: no
Like to sing?:: love to! as long as no one is listening
Have a job?:: not currently
Have a cell phone?:: yeah
Like to play sports?:: yes
Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?:: nope
Have a crush on someone?:: no one that isnt famous
Live somewhere NOT in the united states?:: no i think i would like to though
Have more than 5 TVs in your house?:: no 3 and one doesnt work
Have any special talents/skills?:: i can pop a lot of joints!
Exercise daily?:: normally
Like school?:: sometimes
CAN YOU
Sing the alphabet backwards?:: haha yes!
Stand on your tip toes without wearing shoes?:: doubt it
Speak any other languages?:: not fluently
Go a day without food?:: yeah right!
Stay up for more than 24 hours?:: of course
Read music, not just tabs?:: yes
Roll your tongue?:: yeah
Eat a whole pizza?:: if im really hungry i guess...depends on how big
HAVE YOU EVER
Snuck out of the house?:: yeah but then i came right back in
Cried to get out of trouble?:: yeah but it didnt work
Gotten lost in your city?:: i dont know...dont think so
Seen a shooting star?:: yes i have
Been to any other countries besides the united states?:: sadly no
Had a serious surgery?:: no
Stolen something important to someone else?:: i think i stole someones pack of gum once and a pencil
Solved a rubrics cube?:: i wish
Gone out in public in your pajamas?:: yes all the time
Cried over a girl?:: in like fourth grade
Cried over a boy?:: um...we dont talk about that
Kissed a random stranger?:: no
Hugged a random stranger?:: no
Been in a fist fight?:: with my sister and i definately lost
Been arrested?:: nope
Laughed and had milk come out of your nose?:: not milk but water!
Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?:: yeah
Gone to school only to find you had the day off because of a holiday/etc?:: yes but b/c of snow it was so exciting!
Swore at your parents?:: not at them
Been to warped tour?:: no
Been in love?:: no
Been close to love?: no
Been to a casino?:: no
Ran over an animal and killed it?:: yes...a snake
Broken a bone?:: no
Gotten stitches?:: no
Had a water balloon fight in winter?:: No
Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour?:: no way! gross!
Made homemade muffins?:: no...only from a mix
Bitten someone?:: yes
Been to disneyland/disneyworld?:: yea disneyworld
More than 5 times?:: no
Been to Niagara falls?:: no
Burped in someone's face?:: yes
Gotten the chicken pox?:: yes
WHENS THE LAST TIME YOU
Brushed your teeth:: like two hours ago..
Went to the bathroom:: like two hours ago
Saw a movie in theaters:: i went like two or three weeks ago..
Read a book:: last night
Had a snow day:: like last year :(
Had a party:: like 6th grade?
Had a slumber party:: i dunno a few weeks ago
Made fun of someone:: today during school of course
tripped in front of someone:: geez...all the time...yesterday i think was the last time
Went to the grocery store:: yesterday
Got sick:: i dunno....been a long time
Cursed:: i dont know...this morning i think
PICK ONE
Fruit/vegetables:: fruit
Black/white:: black
Lights on/lights off:: off
TV/movie:: movie
Car/truck:: car
Body spray/lotion:: lotion
Cash/check:: cash
Pillows/blankets:: blankets
Headache/stomach ache:: neither
Paint/charcoal:: paint?
Chinese food/Mexican food:: fortune cookies!
Summer/winter:: WINTER!!!!!!!!!!
Snow/rain:: snow!!!!!!!
Fog/misty:: misty
Rock/rap:: rock
Meat/vegetarian:: vegetarian *heck yes!
Boy/girl:: boy
Chocolate/vanilla:: vanilla
Sprinkles/icing::sprinkles
Cake/pie:: pie...pumpkin!
French toast/French fries:: toast
Strawberries/blueberries:: strawberries
Ocean/swimming pool:: pool
Hugs/kisses:: hugs
Cookies/muffins:: cookies
Wallet/pocket:: pocket
Window/door:: window
Pink/purple:: pink
Cat/dog:: dog
Long sleeve/short sleeve:: short sleeve
Pants/shorts:: pants
Winter break/spring break:: winter break gah i love it!
Spring/autumn:: autumn!
Clouds/clear sky:: i love clouds!
Moon/mars:: moon
FRIENDSHIP
How many friends do you have?:: too many to count
What are their names?:: dont want to list them
Do you have a best friend?:: not just one but a lot
Have you ever liked one of your friends?:: mmm...dont think so
Do you have more guy friends or more girl friends?:: girl friends
Have you ever lost a friend?:: yes
Have you ever gone to an amusement park with a friend?:: yeah
What's an inside joke between you and a friend?:: Mr. Snake or Something!
Have you ever gotten in a big argument with a friend?:: yeah
What's the nicest thing you've ever done for a friend?:: i dont know
What's the nicest thing a friend has ever done for you?:: not sure
What friend have you known the longest?:: my seester amanda, then heather bishop and miranda from kindergarden
Do you regret anything you've done to a friend?::yea..
How often do you spend time with your friends?:: everyday at school and on the weekends usually
Do any of your friends drive?:: yeah almost all of them
Has a friend of yours ever died?:: no
What's the dumbest thing you've done with a friend?: i dont know
What do you think your friends think of you?: no clue
Are you single?:: yeah
Are you in a relationship?:: no
If so, for how long?:: n/a
Do you believe there is someone for everyone?:: im not sure...
What is your idea of the best date?:: just hanging out
What was your first kiss like?:: um....dont like to talk about it
How old were you when you got your first kiss?:: like 14
Do you think love is a load of crap? sometimes
Have you ever been dumped?:: no
Have you ever dumped someone?:: yes
WORD ASSOCIATION
Slippers:: fuzzy
Hat:: tacky?
Hard:: physics test
Free:: air
Space:: saturn
Taste:: buds
Good charlotte:: yuck!
Red:: blood
Deep:: water
Heart:: circle
Cord:: phone
Cheese:: cake
Rain:: no tennis!
Work:: ugh...
Pedal:: bike
Head:: Jordan !!
Bed:: sleep
Fluff:: pillow
Hardcore:: rock
Race:: crosscountry
Knife:: peanut butter
Jump:: rope
I...:: love the winter!
am:: tired
want:: something exciting to come along
need:: to pee
crave:: werthers butterscotch things!
love:: my friends
hate:: alot of people at school
did:: skip tennis
feel:: tired
miss:: christmas
am annoyed by:: jimbo
would rather:: sleep
am tired of:: homework
will always:: love Millie and BB
SILLY STUFF
What is your favorite genre of music?:: rock or contemparary christian
What time is it now?:: 8:11
What day is it?:: Friday
when's the last time you called someone?:: after school
How much money do you have right now?:: none on me
Are you hungry?:: no
Whatcha doin?:: um this survey
Do you like parades?:: not really they are sorta boring
Do you like the moon?:: yeah its pretty interesting
What are you going to do when you're done with this?:: havent decided yet
If you could have any magical power what would it be?:: read peoples minds or make them do what i wanted
Have you ever had a picnic?:: yes
Are you wearing any socks right now?:: no
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE
funny?:: sometimes
sarcastic?:: yea
lazy?:: sometimes
hyper?:: sometimes but not now
friendly?:: sometimes
evil?:: not really...
smart?:: nah
strong?: no
talented?:: no
dorky?: sometimes i guess
FOR OR AGAINST
suicide:: against
love:: for
drunk drivers:: against
airplanes:: for
war:: against
Canada:: FOR!
united states:: umm.. not bush
rock music:: for
gay marriage:: for
surveys:: for
parents:: for
cars:: for
killing::against
Brittney spears:: im sorry...who?
coffee:: doesn't matter
pants:: for i guess
WOULD YOU EVER
Sky dive?:: maybe
Run away?:: doubt it
Curse at a teacher?: not at them, but about them
Not take a shower for a week?:: sure
Write a book?:: probably not
Become a rock star?:: dont think i would like it
LAST QUESTIONS
What shampoo do you use?: herbal essences
What kind of computer do you have?:: dell
What grade are you in?:: 12
Do you like to throw popcorn at people in the movies?:: haha yes
How many posters do you have in your room?:: none that are hangin up
How many cds do you have?:: lots
What time is it now?:: 8:17
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Wednesday, July 27th, 2005
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Where does the time go
Spinning my wheel
Standing still
It's like running on ice
I only gain a little distance when I fall
How did I become a molecule
In the concrete of this city
Indifferent to my endless motion
In a space too small to see
Nonetheless expected to be
I only get a little attention when I fall
And I'm falling
Falling down
Falling
Falling down
Cursed with reason
In a world so defiant
Without conclusion
This is the story
The story we live out
And it is the moral too
Look at me I'm falling for you
Shaking, crying
Hating lying to myself
I'm tired of telling myself it's OK
To be this tired
This sick and tired of the turns the world takes
And the people that it makes us be
And lately it appears to me that
I'm falling
Falling down
Falling
Falling down
I'm falling down...
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There is only 2 days of school left for me...
Today was the last normal day...thank goodness
I have my eng exam and my chemistry exam tomorrow...and im nervous about both of them...
more about english though bc i really need an A
its crazy to think im going to be a senior...
so crazy...
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Wednesday, May 18th, 2005
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| Time: | 6:43 pm. |
| Mood: |  sick. |
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I havent updated in forever...
School is almost over thank goodness
but this is the worst time of the year minus the first week...b/c teachers didnt accomplish all they wanted to so they cram it on you and they are all moody...ugh stupid stupid stupid
Im so excited im leaving the 25th...ive only been to like 7 states sadly, but now I get to go way out west and thats so exciting...
Then I have basketball almost all of June...
Then nothing in July and in August, we are going to the lake :)
then school the day after my freaking birthday ugh thats going to suck so bad
its weird how Im gonna be a senior and im going to have to find a college...ohh i dont think im going to like it very much...
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I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm moving on
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm moving on
I'm moving on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
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Wednesday, April 27th, 2005
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[name]: Melanie
[birthday]: August 24, 1988
[siblings]: 2 sisters
[hair color]: blonde
[eye color]: green mainly
[height]: 5'8"
[been kissed]: yeah
[been in love]: nah
[eaten an entire box of oreos]: no...not oreos but other cookies yes
[been on stage]: yes
[gotten in a car accident]: yes
[dyed your hair]: nope
[choked in front of people on your own spit or drink]: yeah
[gone to school in your pajamas]: yes
[gotten a detention]: only lunch detention and one time i sat in detention but I didnt technically have it
[loved someone so much that it made you cry]: no
<>THIS OR THAT
[cold/hot]: cold
[blue/red]: blue
[rain/snow]: snow
[wool/cotton]: Cotton
[rose/daisy]: rose
[private school/public school]: ive only been to public
[chocolate milk/plain milk]: NO milk
[celsius/fahrenheit]: fahrenheit
[history/science]:science
[math/english]: math
[country/rock]: rock
[coke/pepsi]: coke
[cherry coke/vanilla coke]: cherry coke
[love/lust]: love
[sleep/eat]: sleep
OPPOSITE SEX
[do you like someone right now]: naaah
Do they know]:
[what do you look for in the opposite sex]: dunno
[do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend]: no
FRIENDS
[who do you see most often]: Jordan
[who is your most annoying friend]: depends on my mood
[wish you saw more often]: i dont know
[who do you im the most these days]: Lori or Suzy
[who's the loudest]: we can all be loud
[who's the shyest]: jordan towards other people
[who are you jealous of]: millionares
[who has the best room]: Katie
[one you miss]: none really
WITHIN THE LAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU:
[had a serious talk]: not really
[hugged someone]: yea
[kissed someone]: no
[gotten along with your parents]: yes
[fought with a friend]: no
[cried]: no
[felt empty]: no, i ate a lot today!
DO YOU LIKE TO:
[give hugs]: not really depends on the receiver I guess
[give back rubs]: umm not particularly
[take walks in the rain]:no
[watch tv]: yeah
[do homework]: HECK NO
[talk on the phone]: not really depends on the person
[go online]: yeah
[do freaky things]: not really sure what this is asking...
[be wild]: ??
[work out]: yeah sometimes
HAVE YOU EVER:
[been to a concert]: yes
[been out of state]: yes
[gone skinny dipping]: no
[ran around naked]: i dont think
[broken a bone]: no
[ran a marathon]: no but a 5k yes
[met a famous person]: no
[bought something and then sold it]: yeah
EXTRAS:
[what is your worst habit]: got a lot of them
[what really makes you mad]:many many things
[scariest moment]: i dont know
[what is your earliest memory]: getting a stuffed dog for Christmas what a cruel joke
NOW:
[where are you]: in carolyns room
[are you wearing any jewelry]: earrings
[when was the last time you showered]: yesterday
[what color pants do you have on right now]: blue and white checks
[what song are you listening to right now]: none
[what is your computer desk made out of]: wood or fake wood
[what was the last thing you ate]: spaghetti
[what should you really be doing right now]: homework or showering
[if you were a marker, what color would you be]: hmm...perriwinkle or light blue or some color out of the ordinary
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Wednesday, April 20th, 2005
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So....
today is katies birthday..happy birthday katie!
I got my braces off yesterday so thats nice i guess...even though they are still spotted.
Yes they are permanently spotted...it cannot be changed so dont argue with me and tell me they can be changed and dont tell me that i can afford to waste $3000 on a 20% chance that the bleaching will work. I think i know my financial situation a little better than you do. And you dont have to live with these teeth, I do so dont let it bother you and please dont say anything to me about it.
So last week was probably the worst week I have had all year. And i cant just pinpoint a few things out that were bad...its like every single thing was bad...every realization, every event, every class...it was just horrible.
But this week hasnt been all that bad...thankfully.
Prom is the day after tomorrow. Im not as excited about prom as I am getting out of school at 1115. I hate my classes so much. Its so depressing. its a wonder i havent become clinically insane by now.
Only about a month left though. Then to see the country which im estatic about. And then basketball camp which will hopefully be fun.
Then 2 months of nothing. Well maybe a little but nothing significant. Maybe I will get a job. Maybe not. probably should since Im still going off my last pay check from basketball which is sad.
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Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
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school sucks...im so tired of my classes...im doing pretty well in them though...5 day weeks make my brain ooze out of my ears...and we have a whole month of them...which is ultra depressing...
I have a lot of homework for english...and i have had so many opportunities to catch up and get ahead but I still havent...i have no will power
I joined my old rec softball team...why? well thats a good question. Im such a push-over. I couldnt tell them no anymore. And i gave my glove away temporarily and i even had had a softball memory burning ritual a few months ago...so why im playing...im still trying to figure out...
Open gym starting next week which makes me happy b/c i have nothing to do after school other than sleep and stare at homework and hope that it does itself.
i have a show and tell spanish project tomorrow. stupid stupid stupid. I hate stuff like this. i hate projects. im not creative, nor artistic, and i hate talking in front of a lot of people. so this totally blows.
i cannot wait until school is out. i miss winter though. i love cold weather and now its all gone.
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Tuesday, March 29th, 2005
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Alone again, again alone
Patiently waiting by the phone
Hoping that you will call me up
The pain inside my love denied
Hopes and dreams swallowed by pride
Everything I need, it lies in you
Cause Im broken
I know I need you now
Cause deep inside I'm broken
You see the way I live
I know I know your heart is broken
When I turn away
I need to be broken
Take the pain away
I question why you chose to die
When you knew your truth I would deny
Look at me
The tears begin to fall
And all in all faith is blind
But I fail time after time
Daily in my sin I take your life
Im broken
I know I need you now
Cause deep inside I'm broken
You see the way I live
I know I know your heart is broken
When I turn away
I need to be broken
Take the pain away
All the hate deep inside
Slowly covering my eyes
All these things I hide
Away from you again
All this fear holding me
My heart is cold and I believe
Nothing?s gonna change
Until I'm broken
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[x] I've consumed alcohol.
[x] I've run away from home.
[x] I have lied to my parents about where I am.
[ ] I don't like Bush because from what I hear, he is dumb.
[x] I don't like Bush with my own reasons to back it up.
[ ] I am for Bush.
[x] I listen to political music.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I'm depressed.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[ ] I am keeping a secret from the world
[x] I watch the news.
[ ] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[x] I own an iPod or MP3
[ ] I own something from Hot Topic
[x] I love Disney Movies.
[x] I am a sucker for hair/eyes
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[ ] I curse regularly.
[ ] I paid for that cell phone ring.
[x] I am a sports fanatic.
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name.
[] I've slipped out an "lol" in a real conversation.
[ ] I love Spam.
[x] I bake well.
[x] I would wear pajamas to school.
[x] I own something from Abercrombie.
[ ] I have a job.
[ ] I love Martha Stewart.
[ ] I am in love with love.
[ ] I am guilty oF tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self conscious.
[x] I like to laugh.
[ ] I smoke a pack a day.
[ ] I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[x] I have cough drops when I'm not sick.
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[x] I can swallow about 5 pills at a time no problem
[ ] I eat fast food weekly.
[x] I have many scars.
[ ] I've been out of this country.
[x] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[x] I am really ticklish.
[ ] I see a therapist.
[x] I love chocolate.
[ ] bite my nails.
[x] I am comfortable with being me.
[ ] I play video games.
[x] I'm single
[ ] I'm in a relationship
[x] Gotten lost in your city.
[x] Saw a shooting star
[ ] Been to any other countries besides the united states
[ ] I Had a serious Surgery
[x] Gone out in public in your pajamas
[ ] I have Kissed a Stranger
[ ] Hugged a stranger
[x] Been in a fist fight
[ ] Been arrested
[x] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator
[ ] Made out in an elevator
[x] Swore at your parents
[ ] Kicked a guy where it hurts
[ ] Been in love
[ ] Been to a casino
[ ] Been skydiving
[ ] Broken a bone
[x] Skipped school
[ ] Flashed someone
[ ] Saw a therapist
[ ] Done the splits
[x] Played spin the bottle
[ ] Gotten stitches
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour
[x] Bitten someone
[ ] Been to Niagara Falls
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[ ] Kissed a member of the same sex
[ ] Crashed into a friend's car
[ ] Been to Japan
[ ] Ridden in a taxi
[ ] Shoplifted
[ ] Been fired
[ ] Ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
[x] Had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
[ ] Stole something from your job
[ ] Gone on a blind date
[x] Lied to a friend
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher
[ ] Celebrated mardigras in New Orleans
[ ] Been to Europe
[ ] Slept with a co-worker
[ ] Been married
[ ] Gotten divorced
[ ] Had children
[ ] Saw someone dying
[ ] Been to Africa
[ ] Driven over 400 miles in one day (totally killer)
[ ] Been to Canada
[ ] Been to Mexico
[ ] Been on a plane
[x] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
[ ] Thrown up in a bar
[ ] Eaten Sushi
[ ] Been snowboarding
[x] Been Skiing
[ ] Met someone in person from the internet
[ ] Been to a moto cross show
[ ] Lost a child
[ ] Gone to college
[ ] Graduated college
[ ] Done hard drugs
[x] Taken painkillers
[ ] Had someone cheat on you
[ ] Miss someone right now
[ ] Had sex up a tree
[ ] Been in the same bed as 2 people getting it on
[x] regreted not saying what you wanted at the perfect moment
[x] peed your pants in public
[x] Ever regreat something you did
[x] lied because you just felt like lying.
[x] cried to get out of trouble.
[x] dated someone out of sympathy.
[ ] got a tatto for someone.
[x] wore someone elses underwear.
[ ] gave a hitchiker a ride.
[x] bought food for someone you didn't know.
[ ] kissed your friends mom.
[x] eaten grass.
[x] licked someone.
[x] snuck out of your window.
[ ] went to a fourtune teller.
[x] went to the movies and fell asleep.
[ ] went skinny dipping.
[ ] had a stalker.
[x] lied to your girlfriend/boyfriend.
[x] flirted constantly with someone while you have a boyfriend/girlfriend.
[x] wanted to fight someone after watching a action movie (ex.fight club.).
[ ] shaved off your eyebrows.
[ ] walked up and humped someone.
[ ] been humped by someone.
[ ] got really drunk but didnt have a hangover.
[ ] pretended to be gay/lesbian to get away from the ugly person checking you out.
[ ] been to another country.
[ ] gone to school drunk/high.
[ ] tried to jump on a trampolien drunk/high.
[ ] thought someone was hot when they kissed a member of the opposite sex.
[x] eaten ice cream all day.
[x] danced to the song Thriller by Mr. Michael Jackson.
[x] (while your sick) gotten someone else sick because you tought it would be funny.
[x] eaten someone elses food out of the refridgerator.
[x] had your mom wash your clothes.
[x] eaten lip gloss because it smells good.
[x] bought something from an infomercial..that didnt work like they said it would.
[ ] light something on fire with gasoline.
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Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
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| Time: | 5:21 pm. |
| Mood: |  tired. | | Music: | Shinedown. |
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Excuse the mess, I didn't see you from behind
I caught a glimpse, but the reflection's only mine
It's almost like I'm paralyzed and locked outside myself
What I don't need is to concede because I won't be someone else
I am not perfect and I don't claim to be
And if that's what you wanted
Well then I'm so sorry
How about a better version of, the way that I am
How about a better version that, makes me understand
How about a better version of, the way that I am
The way I look, The way I speak,
How about a better version of me
Excuse the wall, I put it up from time to time
A silver shade, and the design is all mine
It's just a maze that everyday I seem to be stuck in
It never seems to fade away but I pray for the day it ends
I am not perfect and I don't claim to be
And if that's what you wanted
Well then I'm so sorry
How about a better version of, the way that I am
How about a better version that, makes me understand
How about a better version of, the way that I am
The way I look, The way I speak,
How about a better version of me
Show me my vital signs until I'm realigned
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Thursday, March 10th, 2005
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Where to start...
last friday, I went with katie and crystal to spartanburg and greenville. we went to chuckie cheese and then to see Hitch for crystals birthday. we met a giant...well not met but took a picture with him...even though he wasnt aware of it...then we went back to katies and slept...
Then i went home and then to ashleys with jordan y miranda...then went to church with ashley. then back home to sleep,play tennis with my dad, and watch carolina school duke.
Tonight, my mom took me to spartanburg to look for prom dresses and I bought one which is good so i dont have to think about it anymore.
I made my first 100 on a chem test which is exciting for me because my life is almost completely pathetic and I ended up with an A in english which also excites me...
i have seriously watched 13 going on 30 atleat 20 times in the last 3 weeks which is extremely sad and pathetic...and normally i dont like movies like that b/c they are so predictable but i dont know...its addicting or perhaps it is the predictability that lures me back every time.
hopefully I am going to get a new muffler in the morning then to the tanning bed...
wow, I am pathetic.
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Saturday, February 26th, 2005
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its odd how quickly change sets in...and how long it takes you to realize that everything is changing...and when you finally realize that things arent going to be the same...its like a huge slap in the face.
My Recent Nightmare:
in my dream, Mrs. Rush and Hitler were the same person. I was locked in a hotel room with about 25 random east students...the only ones i knew were gavin and ashley. Hitler/Mrs. Rush was giving orders to everyone. I knew that we were all going to be killed and the only thing I wanted was to die beside people that I knew...but ashley and gavin refused to stay beside me. I asked him how he was going to kill us. he said he wasnt going to gas us. I thought that he would kill us by shooting us in the back of the dead and i was really scared. he said he wouldnt do that. then he told us to find a partner. I didnt have a partner so I was alone. he passed out razor type blades and told us to dice eachother up. I had to dice up myself. I watched myself cut the flesh on my wrist and knew I was dying. Then I woke up.
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Stranger than your sympathy
This is my apology
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out
I wished for things that I don't need
All I wanted
And what I chase won't set me free
All I wanted
And I get scared but I'm not crawling on my knees
Oh yeah everything's all wrong yeah
Everything's all wrong yeah
Stranger than your sympathy
I take these things so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
Now my head's been filled with doubt
It's hard to lead the life you choose
All I wanted
When all your luck's run out on you
All I wanted
You can't see when all your dreams are coming true
Oh yeah it's easy to forget yeah
You choke on the regrets yeah
Stranger than your sympathy
All these thoughts you stole from me
I'm not sure where I belong
Nowhere's home and I'm all wrong
And I wasn't all the things
I tried to make believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel
Before the dreams I wanted
And all the talk and all the lies
Were all the empty things disguised as me
Stranger than your sympathy....
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Monday, February 21st, 2005
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::THIRTEEN RANDOM THINGS YOU LIKE::
1. weekends
2. my dog, Millie
3. flannel pajamas
4. hoodies
5. sweatpants
6. cute socks
7. tennis shoes
8. money
9. acquiring new things
10.the classified ads in the newspaper
11. having weekend plans
12. music
13. basketball
::TWELVE MOVIES YOU LIKE::
1. Edward Scissorhands
2. Donnie Darko
3. Pirates of the Carribean
4. Finding Nemo
5. Shrek
6. Shrek 2
7. Black Sheep
8. Cinderella
9. Tommy Boy
10. Beauty and the Beast
11. as much as I hate to admit it....13 Going on 30
12. Fiddler on the Roof
::ELEVEN GOOD BANDS/ARTISTS::
1. Goo Goo Dolls
2. Silverchair
3. Seven Mary Three
4. Hootie and the Blowfish
5. 12 Stones
6. Michael Tolcher
7. Thousand Foot Crutch
8. 3 Doors Down
9. Blessid Union of Souls
10. Dishwalla of course
11.Sister Hazel
::TEN THINGS ABOUT YOU::
1. i have eyes
2. and ears
3. i have the most beautiful dog in the world
4. i have 2 sisters
5. i drive a car
6. i have broken the law...a few times
7. im in 11th grade
8. i scored a season high and a season total of 1 point this season in basketball
9. i have to click my teeth in between road signs
10. i like to over-analyze simple things
::NINE THINGS YOU STRONGLY DISLIKE::
1. bugs
2. roadkill
3. CD skips
4. my english class
5. my english class
6. my english class
7. the work i have to do for my english class
8. the 90 minutes i have to sit in my english class
9. the way i feel in my english class
::EIGHT FAVORITE FOOD/DRINKS::
1.water
2. smoothies
3. strawberries
4. rasberry lemonade
5. broccoli
6. white chocolate mousse ice cream
7. ritz with peanut butter
8. apples
::SEVEN THINGS YOU WEAR DAILY::
1. earrings
2. hairbow...either on my wrist or in my hair...
3. socks
4. undergarments
5. pajama/sweat pants
6. a little makeup
7. braces unfortunately
::SIX THINGS THAT ANNOY YOU::
1. when people are your friend until they are around other people
2. when your 6th grade sisters friends IM you and want to talk to you
3. hypocrites
4. when people talk about things they have no clue about
5. when people misuse the word 'ignorant'
6. small minded people
::FIVE THINGS YOU TOUCH EVERY DAY::
1. my face
2. my dogs
3. my hair
4. my toothbrush
5. my bed
::FOUR SHOWS YOU WATCH::
1. Boy Meets World
2. Everwood
3. Conan O'Brien
4. One Tree Hill
::THREE CELEBS YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON::
1. Hal Sparks
2. Mark Ruffalo
3. Jake Gyllenhaal
::ONE PERSON YOU COULD SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE WITH::
1. any of the three listed above
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Wednesday, February 16th, 2005
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School sucks....I hate english so much and I havent done the homework in a long time and i dont think that i will ever do it...hes so moody...its like he is taking pregnancy hormones or something...
i miss basketball...or not really basketball but my friends who i never get to see now and hanging out before the games...
song of my life at the current moment:
And I'd give up forever to touch you
Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything seems like the movies
Yeah you bleed just to know your alive
And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
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Monday, February 14th, 2005
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| Time: | 4:47 pm. |
| Mood: |  content. | | Music: | Jimmy Fallon-Valentine Medley. |
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its Valentines day...at first, i was in protest of the whole idea of a valentines day...why would you want to celebrate your love on the same day as the rest of the american population? it seems so...superficial and so un-romantic...
but now, seeing how it makes everyone happy, i cant really be mad at the world for celebrating the day.
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Saturday, February 5th, 2005
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I need you to feel exactly like I do inside
But I feel so alone again
I try to find a better life
Somewhere far away from here
But I need you to believe in me
But I won't be afraid
Just because you don't need me
I will not be ashamed
Just because you don't believe in anything that I say
Now I turn and I walk away from you
I won't fade away
I won't fade away again
I find you down the road that I have walked before
And I know you're alone again
You try to find a better life
Somewhere far away from here
But I need you to believe in me
You try to make me fade away
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shootingstar_24's journal
pessimistic.
awake.
contemplative.
amused.